Since She Came to Netherfield
by JennyAnneLizzie
Summary: Lizzie Bennet Diaries. During Lizzie's stay at Netherfield, Darcy remembers their past encounters and tries to deal with his growing feelings for her.
1. That Cursed Garter

Chapter 1

You would think in a house this big you could avoid running into certain people. For better or worse, William Darcy thought, he would never be able to escape her eyes while they were both under the same roof. He was tortured by this fact, for however hard he tried to pretend it didn't matter to him, whenever he turned to her and for a moment took in the porcelain glow of her face, she would inevitably catch him and send daggers through those lovely blue-gray eyes into his heart. And as a scorpion strikes its feeble and hopeless prey, it stung him, body and soul. His heart would stop, he would quickly look away and feel warm blood come to the surface of his cheeks, then take a few deep breathes to re-orient himself in the room and focus on something else. Something, anything, to take his mind off of Lizzie Bennet. Such was life since she had come to Netherfield.

This would not have been a problem if he could make himself ignore her when they passed in the hallways, sat down to dinner, "relaxed" with the entirety of their party in the lounge... but this was as impossible a thing as asking him to go without water in the desert. Perhaps that would be more fun, he sighed, then being repeatedly forced to make a fool out of himself to this girl- this lovely and exhilarating girl-who obviously loathed him in every way possible. When he thought on their past encounters he considered what in his countenance or treatment of her had bourn such a hatred, such a sourness, toward himself. Lizzie was lighthearted and quick-witted; her ease of conversation and affable nature was almost comically opposite from his own. Perhaps she saw his inability to easily converse or throw himself into new situations as a flaw, smacking of superiority or pride. Perhaps she was insulted by how horribly he had butchered his first opportunity to speak to her at the wedding. That wedding. That cursed garter. He had sounded like a brain trauma patient, which probably came off as unpleasant, uninterested, and anything but happy to be dancing with her.

William Darcy realized that any sane individual in his position would have been elated to entertain the sole focus of a beautiful woman for two whole minutes. But while holding her in his arms, trapped in the gaze of her lively eyes, and sweating profusely with no ability whatsoever to compute thoughts into complete sentences- he truly wasn't happy to be dancing with her. He had grown up in a privileged family, been taught to purport himself as a gentleman, and had worked hard to show himself worthy of his position as head of Pemberley Digital. He was William Darcy, one of the youngest CEOs in the country- and he was being bested by a 24 year old graduate student who had earlier been cackling wildly after performing the robot for her sisters' bemusement. That this woman should render him speechless and incompetent made him embarrassed and angry. From that moment he had decided to reject any thoughts contrary to those reminding himself that she was too bombastic, at times silly and immature, as yet unaccomplished in his understanding, and short. Lizzie Bennet was... short. There, it would not do to dwell on her eyes or the way her dress framed the snow white skin over her collarbone, for she was entirely wrong for him in every way. Indeed, she was the last woman on earth that he could ever like, and that was that.

No sooner had he convinced himself and reassured Bing and Caroline that the middle Bennet sister had no draw for him, adding despite his initial appraisal of her beauty that she was only "decent enough," then he had occasion to see her relaying something of amusement to her friend Charlotte- which in the telling brought such beautiful expression to her face that he briefly lamented his indifference to her. Still, the awkwardness of the dance, and his being made to socialize with so many strangers who had all attained a prior level of comfort with each other he did not share, made it hard to find any further enjoyment in the night. He bid Bing continue dancing with the eldest Bennet sister, with whom he had noticed an entirely unacceptable amount of smiling for two people who had just met to be taking place. Not that he was entirely against smiling or laughter, as he had so often been teased by his sister and Caroline, just the affect of being too generous with them as to represent oneself in a certain manner not in true reflection of one's feelings. Despite his fears that Jane Bennet may be putting on an overly enthusiastic veneer, he did like seeing his friend happy, and decided to retreat to his corner so that the couple could enjoy the evening.

Lizzie spent the rest of the night distastefully eying the man in the corner, who in her mind, had basically refused to talk to her and called her ugly. She joked with Charlotte about how he had bruised her ego, but underneath there was something more upsetting her, she just couldn't quite put her finger on what it was.


	2. That Awkward Dinner

Chapter 2

The next time he saw Lizzie was the night Bing invited her and Jane over for dinner. He was determined to view her objectively, ready to find fault in her manners, appearance, intellect- wherever there was room for criticism. In doing this he could more easily forget about being briefly stupefied by her at the wedding. He would keep their interaction brief and polite. Being more adept from his training in business at speaking technically than conversationally with strangers, he hoped to avoid any prolonged entanglement causing him to think of small-talk to engage her with. Generally, small-talk with strangers did not go terribly well for Darcy, and knowing how obvious his own social awkwardness became in those situations brought on more anxiety. This was to be avoided at all costs around Lizzie Bennet, as she seemed adept at conversational witticism and would surely bring this inequity to light, or "throw it in his face," as the expression goes.

The majority of the evening he was successful in avoiding her, removing himself to the back of the room, where he was often joined by Caroline. She was an extremely cunning woman who was smart and sarcastic- which he liked, but she was often cloying and overly critical of everything- which could quickly frustrate and annoy. His mission to observe and identify Lizzie's faults was somewhat complicated by the never-ending monologue Caroline provided of the night's events. She had pointed out that Lizzie was in general unrefined at... well, everything. And while he had observed this himself, he couldn't help wanting to defend her to Caroline when she said this. He had watched Lizzie's conversations throughout dinner, and despite his initial prejudice, he had to admit to himself that she had an easy playfulness that was actually quite pleasing, and seemed to bring a general feeling of comfort and mirth to a room. This was a talent that not many possessed, certainly not himself, and so Darcy thought it a nice change from the serious types he was accustomed to spending time with at work. Granted, not many of his work colleagues looked as good in a flowy dress and boots as she did either. Still, as he paced the back of the lounge to the drum of Caroline's incessant whispering he had to remind himself to get back on track.

Caroline was talking about something superfluous like coffee and teeth whitening when Lizzie got up to more closely examine Bing's bookshelves; he watched her carefully. After the disastrous wedding dance, Darcy had reasoned with himself that she wasn't even that terribly good looking. Her face wasn't quite symmetrical, she didn't have a model's body, and in contrast to her older sister her features were sharp rather than soft. He had reminded himself of these insufficiencies before they arrived for dinner, being a little nervous to encounter her again and wanting to stand firm in his decision not to let himself be bothered by her. But as she crossed the room and delicately reached for a leather bound book on the top shelf, he could not help but notice her form was actually quite fine and even graceful. He watched her gingerly trace her finger down the page and stop on a passage. The glimpse of a smile graced her lips and there was instantly a light in her eyes. As she replaced the book a minute later he thought he saw her sigh to herself, and gaze with reverence at the collection in front of her. Something in him warmed to her at that moment, for he knew that look, that feeling, that reverence, all too well. Bing had a nice library, but it was nothing compared to his.

Several things happened at that point- he at once ceased to care that Caroline was still talking and excused himself from her confidence; he desired to know Lizzie Bennet better and to unravel the enigma that was being laid out before him, and almost without thinking he made his way across the room and took a position right behind Bing and Jane, who had come over to Lizzie and engaged her in conversation. He just wanted to listen, to make a study of her personality and opinions. To see how she related to others, to see what made her laugh...

The group was talking about activities to engage Bing while he was in town. Jane mentioned that one of her favorite things to do was sit in the butterfly gardens at the city park. Of course, William thought wryly, not surprising in the least. She was probably part butterfly and just returned now and then to visit family. To his surprise, not a moment later Lizzie voiced a loving barb that echoed his very thoughts, although her comment included something about butterflies and fairies dancing in the moonlight, and ended with her affectionately hugging Jane's shoulders and singing a drawn out "loooove you."

Darcy smirked, but quickly turned away and stowed his demeanor. He was beginning to realize that what had at first struck him as brassy about Lizzie was actually quite charming, and almost always came from a place of affection- especially towards her sisters. He often teased Gigi in a similar manner, but was struck by how open Lizzie was with this expression, while he was only comfortable enough to act in such a way when they were alone or in close company.

When Darcy returned to the conversation, the sisters were imploring Bing to meet more of the neighbors, go to some of the local bars, maybe even host a party for all of their acquaintances. Lizzie teased "Come on Bing, you're such a nice guy there is literally no way anyone in town wouldn't immediately love you. They'll probably queue up to touch your hair, develop mild obsessions, then elect you to congress. In fact, if you fancy a career in politics and a cult of followers then you should definitely throw a party. Don't you agree Darcy?"

As his name came out of Lizzie's mouth, Darcy's mind went completely blank and he lost the ability to speak. He had snapped his head around to her as a reflex, and now stood wide eyed with his mouth gaping and a chill spreading through his body. His eyes locked on her, and he took in the smirk and raised eyebrow that indicated she was really enjoying this. Say something you idiot! His brain was screaming at him.

"What?" was what came out of his mouth without much cognitive function behind it.

"I was teasing Bing about how much everyone loves him, and though I _know_ you were listening, I wasn't sure you followed because I was using concepts that might be unfamiliar to you- they're called sarcasm and comedy."

She was still smirking. It was beginning to vex him.

"I am...familiar with the use of verbal cues to convey irony or humor. I am...also...aware that sarcasm is often seen as a form of passive aggression. You use it masterfully. "

It came out so fast he didn't have time to think about how this would sound to her. Lizzie's eyes widened slightly, her head tilted, and the raised eyebrow made a return that indicated she was not feeling very humorous at the moment. He felt like his brain had started twitching, and the correct words to bandage the situation would not come. Unfortunately, he continued to speak anyway.

"Not...that...you were...wrong to tease Bing. He's very...likeable...so it's easy to talk about his...charms with...enthusiasm, even..sarcasm. When you're so...inadequate...it's the best way to...cope with his...superiority...in good...humor."

What was he saying? Surely what just came out of his mouth was not what he meant. He _meant_ to convey that he often used sarcasm with Bing because his innocence and goodness created an affection in you that was expressed best through humor. Did he just call her inadequate? Oh good lord, he meant that HE was the inferior of Bing, and so humor had to be applied to make amends for the obvious flaws in his own personality. He hadn't meant it as an insult, in fact, his own sarcasm in relation to Bing's innocence was one of the great strengths of their relationship, and had always endeared him to Bing. Lizzie was only acting along the same lines, which made sense because her style of expression was very self deprecating. Similar to his own, actually. Whatever had just happened, he was fairly certain that nothing he just said was in the same universe as what he meant. He was also certain that the girl he saw sighing over the book five minutes ago was most likely not experiencing the same sense of tranquility anymore.

William Darcy was looking at the floor for several seconds after his extremely inarticulate attempt to convince Lizzie that he was not trying to insult her... which almost certainly succeeded in insulting her. He took a deep breath before returning his eyes to her face, which was completely deadpan. She blinked. He was definitely in trouble. Perhaps it was fight or flight setting in, but he wanted nothing more than to turn away and be released from her stare, to run out the door and go for a long, long bike ride.

"Well, glad to know you approve of my passive aggressive attempts to deal with my obvious inferiority. Really, you give me too much credit." She was no longer smirking.

Before Darcy could put words to the thoughts swimming in his mind, Jane called Lizzie's attention to something across the room which took them away very quickly. He watched her scoff as she left, and while she did not give a second look in his direction, her sister did give him an uncomfortable smile as she spirited Lizzie away. He turned to Bing, who looked terribly confused by what had just happened.

"Uh, I'm not sure what you were going for there man. But I'm sure she knows you weren't trying to imply anything bad about her. It'll be fine."

Bing gave him a positive nod and a smile that would have eased the worries of a mountain climber who'd just lost his rope. But as he was trapped rather by the ineptitude of his own social abilities than a sheer cliff face, it did nothing to lessen the feelings of anger and shame that were rising inside of him. He nodded to appease his worried friend, and Bing shot him another smile before he headed to the couch where Lizzie and Jane were now seated across the room. Darcy hung his head and sighed, this was not the night he had envisioned.

She didn't speak to him for the rest of the evening, not even when he wished her and Jane "good night" as they left. He barely merited a glimpse before she turned to leave. Lizzie had been consciously trying to ignore him since their interaction, and had only faltered for a second at the end of the night. As angry as she was, his uncanny ability to act like an ass every time she saw him was almost fascinating- like watching a train wreck that you just can't imagine could get any worse... but then it does. It was unbelievable...he was unbelievable. In the second she took in his face as she turned to go their eyes met. His blue eyes were dark and deep in that moment, and not relaying the smug attitude she had been expecting to see. He looked... miserable. It gave her a second's pause, but she continued out the door and shook away whatever feelings of confusion this arose in her. Tonight had only been her second encounter with him, and he had succeeded in insulting her a second time. He should feel miserable. Lizzie's mind was made up, she did not and could not ever like William Darcy, and that was that.


End file.
